These days with social media, it is so easy to get caught up in the game of comparisons. As a young mother, I used to do it all the time. I was constantly reflecting on what I was doing as opposed to others. It’s really important though, to make sure you are making the right reflections on your parenting journey. This is something I have learnt to do over time; I will go into this below.
First, a little about my own journey with reflecting
After the birth of my youngest, I suffered with anxiety badly. I was always worrying about whether I was doing ‘parenting’ properly. Was I feeding them the right foods? Was I playing with them enough? Was I losing enough baby weight, or being social enough? Was I a good mum?
My anxiety made my reflections on how I was doing ten times worse than they needed to be. I was constantly putting myself down.
Social media also heightened these feelings.
Those early years of parenting can be difficult for absolutely anybody. Raising a child is no easy task. The days are long, but the years are short. The tantrums are difficult, you feel lonely and the worry you feel for your child is incomparable.
I would sit on my phone in the evening and scroll through social media. I’d find myself getting knots in my stomach as I trawled through what my friends were up to. Their lives seemed amazing, so well put together. They were all either being super social, having adventures or if they did have families, their children seemed to be doing better than mine.
I wasn’t just comparing where I was at in life, but also comparing how I fared as a mother. How come Janice’s baby slept through the night at six weeks? Why did Maria’s baby seem to know how to roll over whereas mine hated tummy time? There was so much I judged myself for, this heightened my anxiety further.
Over the years I got help with my anxiety…
My confidence grew. Suddenly my reflections got brighter, and I stopped comparing so much.
Here’s what I have learnt through my own experiences;
We are all on our own pathways. What lies ahead for your family will be different to your friend’s- that’s ok!
- We all have to make decisions based on our family’s best interests. This is really important. Don’t go making a decision based on what’s popular on social media- make a decision on what is best for your family. You’re the ones that have to live with the decision.
- Social media is everyone’s highlight reels. Remember you are only seeing on there what people want you to see. I KNOW in the past that a friend has said about an awful trip out with their husband and kids, how much they argued, how the kids hated it but then merely minutes later put up some amazing loved up photos of ‘the best day ever’. Don’t trust everything you see, take it with a pinch of salt and NEVER compare using social media.
- If you need someone to talk to, then reach out to someone you trust. This needs to be someone who won’t try and influence your decisions or put you down. It can be family, friends or a health care professional. Here at Home-Start Wessex we can also be that impartial listening ear.
- Everything passes. All phases in my children’s life has passed. My boys NEVER slept through, they learnt at aged 5. My friend’s kids all did it YEARS sooner. I didn’t fail, I got tired, but I didn’t fail. They sleep now and they’re happy and healthy so that’s all that matters.
It’s easy to get caught up in comparing your parenting to others. Just remember that what you see on social media or hear won’t be the whole truth. Also, it’s ok if you parent differently. Your children will love you no matter what. Speaking from experience, the more you just shrug off the comparisons, the brighter you can reflect on your own life. With time, you learn to just get more confident with your parenting and suddenly the whole thing becomes easier and more enjoyable!
If you do need to reach out for a friendly chat though, please do get in touch with the team at Home-Start Wessex.
Written by Gayleen Hodson who is a copywriter. She writes for a variety of different businesses, but her passion lies with mental health. A mother of two boys, Gayleen is familiar with family life and having to juggle her own mental health and wellness on top of caring for two children. Having been on her own unique journey, she is now trying to reach out and help others that may be struggling through her though provoking, and hopeful blog posts.